He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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