If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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