She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
