Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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