i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
