he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
