So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
