I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
