The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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