Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
