My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the condom got lost in my hair
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
