Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
