Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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