I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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