saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
