is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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