the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
