i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
