i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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