new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
honey bunches of taint.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
