you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
