3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
