my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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