My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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