All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
