I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
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And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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