you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
