it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wear drunk well.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
