girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
