Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
