Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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