fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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