hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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