I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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