hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
