Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Shame - the story of my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
