coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize