Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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