I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
