I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
