I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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