Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
