the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
