just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had to cum in my sink.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
