The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
