Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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