You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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