Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
