but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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