Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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