gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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