You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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