just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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