I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
