I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
