chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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