she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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