chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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