4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize