U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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