So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
did i walk over a car last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
