Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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